Puzzle of Life

Endless desires with fixed set of conditions lead to dependence on others. Lust to achieve success makes a person voracious. Life is a vicious circle & today I’m standing on the same node of good v/s bad, right v/s wrong, past v/s future, dreams v/s reality. Few of my friends say that Architects are not normal at times and by saying this, they refer me. Anyway what can I say if they think so, it’s good to have a different mind setup at the professional front but does anybody thought of that it may hurt to be called so at personal level?

Apart from these facts & conclusions, why people want to stay with me is still a doubt as I think I’m not good enough to be with them? I’m not the same person as I was in school; I’m not the same as I use to be in college. Frankly speaking I don’t know what or say who changed me so much. As days pass, I become older, mature and encroachment of apathy enters my world.

I don’t need anyone to sustain in life. But can it happen?
It is so easy to say, but is it really feasible? Can I stay happily alone, isolated from this worldly quagmire? I don’t know exactly, how to define myself. May be self-centered is the appropriate word. But at the same time when I feel lonely I start sharing my time with this world just to feel happy.
Am I using it? Am I just using it?
I feel like loving this world, but something holds me back. I’m afraid of this rationale world. What I was supposed to do I’m not able to do it. I’ve no such strong conviction to sustain my dreams into reality. Am I running away from my responsibilities towards society? What should I do when everything seems so complex?